This morning was not
like any other morning. As I opened my eyes, I was overwhelmed with
gratitude. Not the regular "thank you" gratitude, but the “speechless,
eyes full of tears” gratitude as I reflected on this time last year. This
time last year, I lay in a hospital bed, barely able to move or walk as the
nurses rolled me back and forth to change my clothes, and as I lay there,
I could feel life leaving my body. My son sat next to my bed not knowing
what was happening to his mom. In fact, a few days earlier, he'd sat
quietly on the foot of my bed at home and asked, "Mom, are you
dying?"
Thankfully, he'd driven
me to the emergency room on this particular evening. In that moment, I
didn't have the capacity to have fear or to think any "why me"
thoughts. I was only able to cling to my faith and trust that God was in
control. The only thing I remember was apologizing to the nurses over and
over for having to take care of me with no help from my own strength. They were loving, gracious angels.
Shortly after having a
CT scan, the doctor entered my room and stated very matter-of-factly that she'd
need to do a major surgery NOW. I could sense the urgency in the matter
as I was already in the process of receiving a blood transfusion. But
even at that moment, I asked if she could give me a moment to pray. She
paused and left the room for a few minutes. When she returned, I had
accepted God’s healing by way of this surgery but had one question to really understand the intensity behind her recommendation - "If
I were your sister, what would you tell me to do?" She replied,
"I would tell you to head to O.R. right now." I replied,
"Okay. Let's go." It was
in God’s hands.
Approximately, 6 hours
later I was grateful to awaken in ICU with breath in my body. Lots of tubes and
beeps were happening around me, but gratitude and grace filled the room larger
than anything else. After being in the hospital for a week, I was able to
go home the evening before Thanksgiving and today I am reminded of the first
evening home. It was surreal, like a dream. I remember as I was
sleeping on the sofa (I was unable to climb the stairs to my bedroom, so I
slept on the sofa for a couple of weeks.), I opened my eyes at 2:00 a.m. and
just looked around the room giving thanks to God that I was actually on the other
side of a miracle. I lay there, unable to get up, but feeling so safe in
His arms as He carried me through the days and weeks to come.
The next few weeks were
filled with family coming into town to take turns taking care of me, along with
home nurses and physical therapists. And, as you can imagine, the
gratitude on that Thanksgiving was immeasurable. I was surrounded by loving angels.
So today, as I awoke,
the regular gratitude was superseded by gratitude that can't even be
described. I have named November 14th as my new birthday and every day
Thanksgiving. Yes, I was born on February 3rd, but on November 14, 2018,
God rewrote my ending and gave me a new beginning. It was hard to imagine
the girl laying in the hospital being able to live the life I'm gifted with
today, but I can hear the voice of the Lord saying, "Daughter, your faith
has healed you." (Mark 5:34)
As a result of my past,
I now see and hear everything so differently in my new life. I take
everything that Jesus did personally. His body was broken just for
me. His blood was shed just for me. His amazing grace was extended directly
to me. His unfailing love was given just for me. I am grateful for
all that He's done for me. Today, I celebrate life...more abundantly!
Love Always,
Shy
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/
