My New Birthday!

This morning was not like any other morning.  As I opened my eyes, I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  Not the regular "thank you" gratitude, but the “speechless, eyes full of tears” gratitude as I reflected on this time last year.  This time last year, I lay in a hospital bed, barely able to move or walk as the nurses rolled me back and forth to change my clothes, and as I lay there, I could feel life leaving my body.  My son sat next to my bed not knowing what was happening to his mom.  In fact, a few days earlier, he'd sat quietly on the foot of my bed at home and asked, "Mom, are you dying?"

Thankfully, he'd driven me to the emergency room on this particular evening.  In that moment, I didn't have the capacity to have fear or to think any "why me" thoughts.  I was only able to cling to my faith and trust that God was in control.  The only thing I remember was apologizing to the nurses over and over for having to take care of me with no help from my own strength.  They were loving, gracious angels.

Shortly after having a CT scan, the doctor entered my room and stated very matter-of-factly that she'd need to do a major surgery NOW.  I could sense the urgency in the matter as I was already in the process of receiving a blood transfusion.  But even at that moment, I asked if she could give me a moment to pray.  She paused and left the room for a few minutes.  When she returned, I had accepted God’s healing by way of this surgery but had one question to really understand the intensity behind her recommendation - "If I were your sister, what would you tell me to do?"  She replied, "I would tell you to head to O.R. right now."  I replied, "Okay.  Let's go."  It was in God’s hands.

Approximately, 6 hours later I was grateful to awaken in ICU with breath in my body.  Lots of tubes and beeps were happening around me, but gratitude and grace filled the room larger than anything else.  After being in the hospital for a week, I was able to go home the evening before Thanksgiving and today I am reminded of the first evening home.  It was surreal, like a dream.  I remember as I was sleeping on the sofa (I was unable to climb the stairs to my bedroom, so I slept on the sofa for a couple of weeks.), I opened my eyes at 2:00 a.m. and just looked around the room giving thanks to God that I was actually on the other side of a miracle.  I lay there, unable to get up, but feeling so safe in His arms as He carried me through the days and weeks to come.

The next few weeks were filled with family coming into town to take turns taking care of me, along with home nurses and physical therapists.  And, as you can imagine, the gratitude on that Thanksgiving was immeasurable.  I was surrounded by loving angels.

So today, as I awoke, the regular gratitude was superseded by gratitude that can't even be described.  I have named November 14th as my new birthday and every day Thanksgiving.  Yes, I was born on February 3rd, but on November 14, 2018, God rewrote my ending and gave me a new beginning.  It was hard to imagine the girl laying in the hospital being able to live the life I'm gifted with today, but I can hear the voice of the Lord saying, "Daughter, your faith has healed you."  (Mark 5:34)

As a result of my past, I now see and hear everything so differently in my new life.  I take everything that Jesus did personally.  His body was broken just for me.  His blood was shed just for me.  His amazing grace was extended directly to me.  His unfailing love was given just for me.  I am grateful for all that He's done for me.  Today, I celebrate life...more abundantly!

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

Runaway Spirit

I used to have a dog with a “runaway spirit”.  In fact, he came into my life because he’d run away from someone else.  I found him roaming the streets one day, and after posting signs about a lost dog, I took him to the vet to be scanned to see if he had an electronic chip which would identify him and his owner.  No such luck, so we adopted him into our family and named him Elmo; however, no matter how much love he was receiving from our family, he took the opportunity to run whenever the gate opened.

After having him for a couple of years, I decided to relocate from Los Angeles to Atlanta.  And what do you think happened the week of the move?  You guessed it, Elmo ran away.  I was devastated!  I left his kennel and travel papers with my sister and prayed that Elmo would be found by the time my sister was scheduled to visit me in Atlanta.  Sure enough, about a week after we’d moved, I got a call.  “Hi!  This is Emily’s mom.  We have Elmo, again.”  Emily was a high school girl in the neighborhood who Elmo had followed home during previous runaways, so they were familiar with my little runaway baby.  Oh, how I rejoiced at knowing Elmo had been found.  My sister went and got him and brought him to Atlanta with her.  Hallelujah!

Knowing I had a runner on my hands (and I loved him too much to see him get lost again), I scheduled to have an invisible fence installed.  If you’re not familiar with an invisible fence, it’s an electrical wire installed under-ground around the perimeter of the yard.  The dog wears a collar that beeps when he gets too close to the wire alerting him to back-up, otherwise, he’ll experience a shock.  The dog eventually learns the boundaries and stays within the invisible fence.

Well, what do you think happened the day the guy came to install the fence?  You guessed it again.  Elmo ran away!  Both the children and I, along with the fence guy, ran through the neighborhood chasing Elmo.  Completely out of breath, we finally caught him.  After getting back to the house, I will never forget the fence installer’s words as he trained Elmo on how the fence worked - “I see that Elmo has a runaway spirit, so I’m going to need to let him experience a shock so he understands the boundaries.  You might want to look away.”  Oh, how my heart ached as he took Elmo to the edge of the yard and I heard him howl at the feeling of the shock.  After that experience, Elmo stayed on the porch for several days uncertain about what was out in that evil yard waiting for him.  Eventually, he learned the system and began to run and play and enjoyed life within the safe boundaries set for him.  And to my great joy, he never left the yard again.

Elmo and I have so much in common.  He was brought into my life to teach me what safe boundaries look like.  I’ve learned that God has a shield of protection around me; however, when I run away on my own will, He sometimes allows me to experience a shock to teach me boundaries.  Ouch!  It doesn’t always feel good, but like the fence installer, I can hear the Lord saying, “This might hurt a bit, but I’m going to have to allow this shock to keep you safe in My will.”  For some of us (and by “us” I mean “me”), it takes a lot of running away before we understand that God’s boundaries are set in place for our lives because He loves us too much to allow us to get lost.  It’s not always easy when you have a “runaway spirit”, but I am constantly reminded that the safe boundaries He’s set for me is just a reflection of His great love for me.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” 

Proverbs 3:5

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

It is what it is...

I have a friend who often says to me, “It is what it is” when I question different situations.  I get so annoyed at that response and find myself shooting back, “Well, what is it?”  I just never really understood that phrase in relation to any given situation.  It has never offered me any clarity at all.  I seem to walk away just as unclear as I was before questioning things.  I’m the type of person that wants clear and concise answers.  Don’t dance around an issue.  Don’t give me the gray version.  Be clear on what it is.

But today was different.  I was reading John’s account of the crucifixion when I had an “AHA” moment of clarity.

John 19:19-22

19 Pilate had a notice prepared and fastened to the cross.  It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. 

20 Many of the Jews read the sign, for the place where Jesus was crucified was near the city, and the sign was written in Arabic, Latin and Greek. 

21 The chief priests of the Jews protested to Pilate, “Do not write ‘The King of the Jews,’ but that this man claimed to be the king of the Jews.”

22 Pilate answered, “What I have written, I have written.”

In that moment, I could hear Pilate saying to the priests, “It is what it is.”  BOOM!  And just like that, I became crystal clear on the old saying that used to confuse me while at the same time was reminded of one fact – Jesus is King!

That reminder jump-started my faith on the spot.  No more struggling with if, when and how God would show up on my behalf.  No more worrying about how He will reign over my life and all the issues surrounding me.  Instead, the next time the enemy tried to poke holes in my faith and get me to doubt God’s promises for my life, I simply said out loud, “It is what it is.”  

Friends, even when we don’t understand, let’s hold tight to our faith.  And in those moments when fear and doubt try to creep in, let’s simply hang a sign over our faith that says “It is what it is.”  Jesus is King!

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

What’s next?

As I sat sipping my coffee, it seemed unreal that 15 years had passed since I’d moved to Atlanta when my children were little.  Over the years, Atlanta has been a great place to raise them for so many reasons.  As I think back, I can still remember when my son got on the school bus for the first time and waved goodbye as my daughter headed off for middle school. I never imagined the day would come when my son would graduate high school and wave goodbye again.  When people would tell me to cherish the time of their childhood because it goes so fast, I never realized just how fast it actually goes.

Fast forward fifteen years from the day I first got them settled into their new bedrooms to the day I’m actually packing up their rooms.  Wow!  I’m actually an empty nester.  No more planning meals for a family.  I eat whatever I have a taste for each day.  Not more running my kids around to lessons and events.  I plan according to my own calendar.  No more little league, junior choir, Halloween costumes, parent/teacher conferences, middle of the night blanket checks or event the sound of the front door opening followed by a hug and the one-word answer to “how was your day?” - “fine”.

Now I sit quietly in my morning prayer time with Jesus and simply ask, “What’s next?”  I want the big boom answer followed by an unexpected phone call or email that would make everything clear.  But instead, I hear the still, small voice saying, “Trust me.”  I chuckle to myself because I’d already known God wouldn’t give me the entire agenda.  That’s just never been how we roll.  He’d simply put a desire in my heart for the first step followed by grace and favor to reveal each step afterward.  More than anything, He wants me to trust Him with each step.  After all, if we knew the entire story, wouldn’t we find a way to manipulate it?  Wouldn’t we try to tell God how to best orchestrate the details?  Sure, He gave me a vision, yet He only told me to write it down so an angel may run with it.  (Habakkuk 2:2)  

So when folks ask me, “What’s next?” I simply tell them that I’m waiting for instructions for my next move.  Sure, I have a vision and I’m putting faith into action each day, but most importantly, I have trust in the One who holds the plan.  I trust Him to guide me in moving forward with each step, so that is what I'll do - trusts Him with “what’s next”.  If you have found yourself in this same place in a particular area of your life, simply ask God what to do next.  He may not reveal the entire plan, but trust Him with the next step.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, 

plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

Growing

When I was a growing kid, I used to think my clothes were shrinking. I'd put on a dress that suddenly seemed too short or too tight.  As I pointed it out to my mother, I'd ask if my clothes were shrinking.  She'd laugh and jokingly tell me, yes they were.  It never crossed my mind that my clothes were the same size and that I was actually growing. I only knew it was time to get rid of some things because they no longer fit me.  It was time for something that fit the new me.

As an adult, I am reminded of that childhood situation as I reflect on various areas of my life.  Perhaps you can relate.  Have you ever found yourself unable to reconcile why some relationships, jobs or activities that used to fit have now become too uncomfortable to be in?  Or perhaps you found yourself trying to stretch something to make it fit your life when in reality you'd simply outgrown it?

I was reminded of a quote by Nelson Mandela when I had an “AHA” moment - "There's nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."  It dawned on me that perhaps I had grown out of some things that used to fit not because they had changed, but because I had changed.

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul says "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."  It’s clear that Paul understood the concept of growing beyond what used to fit.

As God grows us in various areas of our lives and moves us into new stages and phases of our purpose, we become uncomfortable in the old "garments".  Many times the discomfort is a way to get us to move to the next level of what God has for us.  Acknowledge the discomfort as a catalyst to let go of the past and embrace the new.  Trust God's plan as He tailors new garments fit for the places He is taking you.

God will perfect that which concerns me. Psalms 138:8

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

The Road Has Been Paid For

I just love my GPS system in my car.  I simply cannot imagine using an actual paper map like we used back in the day.  There is something so comforting in knowing that all I have to do is put in a destination and the GPS system will get me there with no thinking of my own.  I just listen and follow instructions.  “Turn here” is simply enough.

The other day as I was driving along on the freeway, the GPS system said “prepare to stop at the toll ahead,” but there was no toll ahead.  I do recall there used to be one a few years ago, but it has since been taken out.  Knowing this, I was just going to ignore it, but then I noticed the confused look on my son’s face and said, “This road has been paid for.  There’s no toll.”  I went on to explain to him that the toll was initially put in place to recoup the cost of building the road and since it has now been paid for, they have removed the toll booth so there is no cost for us to drive on this road.

As I drove further down the road, I couldn’t help but think of many other “roads” that have been paved for me that have been paid for.  So when the enemy taunts me and tells me I’m going to have to pay for the road I’ve taken, I remind him that through the grace of God it’s already been paid for.  

The road to peace, if we make the correct turns. (John 14:27)

The road to joy, if we avoid the ditches. (Romans 15:13)

The road to purpose, if we don’t get distracted.  (Proverbs 19:21)

The road to God’s plan, if we listen for instructions.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Let’s face it, life happens to the best of us.  A sudden twist in the road that we didn’t see coming, or perhaps we saw it coming, but thought we’d be able to navigate it on our own.  In John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, and the truth and the life.”  If we listen to His voice and trust His plan, we don’t need to know every turn in advance.  He knows what’s ahead and where we should turn.  He created us with a destination in mind, has a plan to get us there and has already paid in full the price of the road we will travel.  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and listen to your spiritual GPS (God’s Plan System).  He is THE WAY!

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/

Covered

As we stood graveside at my grandfather’s funeral, the rain went from a light drizzle to a heavy drizzle.  While saying our final goodbyes to “Big Papa”, which is what we affectionately called him, I realized that neither I nor my mother had an umbrella. When noticing me putting my hands over my head (as if that would help) my mother pulled a scarf from her purse and said, “Here baby.  Use this.”  I was so grateful as I tied the scarf over my hair.  What a sacrifice to give me her only scarf as she also stood in the rain.

Fast forward 30 years...  I still have that very same scarf.  It’s a bit faded and even has a tear in it, yet I still use it to cover my hair quite often.  It has become a constant reminder of kindness, generosity and love.   I am also reminded that much like my mom’s scarf still covers me, so does God’s love.  It has no ending and is unfailing.

In life, we can’t always predict the weather.  Yet I’m comforted by the reminder that He sees me in the midst of my storms.  Sure, I love the sunny days of life, but when I’m standing out in the rain, uncovered, and getting drenched by life’s circumstances He lovingly says, “Here baby.  Use this.” as He gently covers me in His love.  

Psalm 46:1-2a “God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.  So we will not fear.”

No matter what storm you may be facing today, know that He hears you, He sees you and He knows exactly what you need.  He’s always there ready to cover you with his unfailing love.  Listen to His voice as He whispers, “Here baby.  Use this.”  Have no fear. He has you covered!

Love Always,

Shy

http://lovealwaysshy.blogspot.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovealwaysshy/